First Love

   I honestly do not know how to start this story. But at this time, I terribly miss someone. My thoughts have been disoriented. I don't even know the reason why I miss that person. Whereas in this case, he doesn't even say a word at all. A silent war? I don't think so. He must have been having his conscience already bothered him today.

  Ten to twelve years ago, I met someone who had given an impact in my life. So much impact that until this minute I write such, just to vent this feelings of mine. Okay, the story goes out like this. It was summer and I often go out with my girl cousins amidst the warmness of the day. And during summer, there is a basketball league held in our place. Yeah, what do I know about basketball? Really, none. But so to say, I knew there were boys. They had crushes on some players ( okay, term it as jologs, it's fine. I believe every child goes through the stage of being a little like one). And honestly, since I came from an exclusive school for girls, I had no crush. It was an ordinary day, when I saw a boy of my age, wearing a crisp white shirt biking along the sides of the basketball court. Without any thoughts, I told my cousin, that I already have a crush but didn't really feel that it was crush. Just to be “in” with them, I did that. How clever of me. But I knew that teen age boy who he was. Though I hadn't met him formally. I knew where he lives. I knew his name. But never saw his face until that day when I saw him biking. One of my cousin's cousin, introduce us to each other. And then, teasing comes along. And I was just trying to be nice, you know. I smiled. But yeah, he has cute little brown eyes. I knew and that boy knew how we were related with each other. I'm talking about that we are second cousins. That time, it wasn't a big deal. I knew all along that it was just an infatuation. But the thing is, after he was introduced to me, I just can't take my mind off him and how will I be able to see him again without being caught. And that just I smile whenever I think of him. Is this first love? Summer fling? Back then, I really have no idea. But it's certain that he's stuck in my mind.

   After meeting him, he already liked me. And that's another story. A puppy love may be. But it felt so good. We had chances on being together and share stories about our schooling. After a while, I knew that he has been mistakenly thought that my name is Daisy. He made me laugh .Those teenage years, I'll always treasure.

   It was his 15th birthday when he told me he loves me and he wants me to be his girlfriend. So young, I knew it wasn't the time yet. We had misunderstanding about it. But eventually, we became young lovers. We broke up, reconciled, fight and love again. By then, it feels good, really. After high school, that was the time that we really broke up. Parted ways, hated each other ( I did, somehow), missed him, had spoken with him again, he had a new girlfriend ( it was ouch), then met up again with him, and with magic, we became lovers again and again. Does first love die? Let's see later on.

   It was year 2005 when we had the last relationship. I mean, we broke up and that meant for me that I'll lose him forever. I accepted the fact. He hurt me. He knows that. I hate him for the few moths but missed him unfortunately. I had moved on. I had another relationship. But he wants me back. I can't. I was committed. I lost the relationship again. He wants me back for good, I didn't know what to say.

   August 2007, when I was single and just fresh from a break up. I was awaken by the ringing of my phone at around 5:30 am whereas I wake up at 7am for work. I didn't recognize who was calling me early that time. When I answered it, it was him. He told me he's leaving the country. He's going to work in a foreign country. He was already at the airport when he called. He said goodbye. He told me he loves me so much still. I was speechless. But i had always prayed for his safety. He even said that he'll work for “our” future. How sweet of him. I was the last person he spoke to before leaving. Then he told me he'll call as soon as he arrives. Oh yes, he did. I was the first person he called when he arrived there. He was calling surprisingly. I liked those moments. Though at that time, I was in deep pain because of another man.

   July 2008. I received a phone call from him. But I didn't know it was him. He wants to meet up with me. I said I can't. I was committed with the wrong man. But again, I never failed to say my prayers for him each and everyday.

   January 2009, he's single, I am too. And I guess I am cleaning up all the clutters I had messed up with my life for the past years of having a failed relationship. Though he's there, I am here, we talk. Chat, phone calls, messages kept up together. He'd even call every “monthsary” we celebrated. But on the day he promised me he'd be home, I never saw his shadow. But he had time with some of his friends. I couldn't fathom the mystery he's doing. He said it'll be surprise. Damned, I was really surprised. Those days that I had anticipated all the happiness he'd bring, suddenly faded away. Would you hate that person? I had no idea if I hated him (again) but he hurt me so much. That I felt depression. Again, I prayed for him everyday of my life.

   Where is he now? Is he thinking of me? He already apologized. Ok, he's forgiven. He said sorry and told me to just understand his mistake. Oh yes, I understood everything. Isn't that enough for him to keep me? Or it's really his pleasure to see me like this? I've missed him really. And for me, first love never dies. I guess not until today.