Thursday, March 10, 2011

Past & Future

C, If I thought first love never dies, well, I now knew it eventually dies. I just didn’t want to convince myself that it’s dead. I was so lame to think that it doesn’t die. But you were so sweet. I didn’t resist you for so many times. Your midnight calls were cute. And that was all I remembered from you. If you read this, send me a message. I heard you’re getting married, not sure though if it’s with Ms. A or with Ms. B.
G, The basketball player. Sure you played a lot better than the other guys. And yes, you knew how to dribble, but I found you on a technical foul. I cheered for your games on our school events. You brought me bottled water after my dance. One day, I was special. The next thing I know, you were telling me you needed to find yourself. So, I gave you space. Thank you for that. PS: Stop flirting after saying bye bye and praying doesn’t mean I’m boring.
L, You weren’t easy to forget because you were the only guy who ever screamed back at me. What we had was a teeny bopper relationship but, I swear, I was serious. And I thought crying in front of you will let you stay with me, but gratefully, it wasn’t a big deal for you. That’s the reason why we never got back together, and will never be. But hello, can we still be friends?
A, I never counted you in.
   For my future love, hey hey hey. I know you’ve been in search for me. I won’t wonder anymore why you haven’t come here with me… because the plane ticket is pricey. But I’ll see you soon then, right?

What is Missing?


            I never knew I had everything before I jumped in here, right at this situation.
            I was happier before. When the 6:45am alarm clock ticks, I wake up effortlessly. I was excited to go to work at that time. You’d see me jolly, smiling at every colleague. But now, I can’t. I just can’t force myself to be happy. Monetary reward it is. But I feel unhappy.
            Yes, I’ve wished for this. I’m so sorry, I failed.
            I see different colors of people. But I couldn’t trust someone so much. I can’t be that confident to do so.
            I might explode one day.
            Shall I go back? Shall I sacrifice?
            Why is that, that in this world, you need a lot of money to enjoy life? And I am talking about pleasure. Why can’t life be just simple?
            I miss the life I had. When I was a girl who would smile even to the strangest stranger.
            Again, for the nth time, within the seven months I am in this place, I throw a complicated question to my face: Happiness, where are you?